decision making / young at heart (warning: super long!)

this is sorta hard to explain thru mere words because i need gesticulations. i need eye-widening, head-shaking, and lots of gigil. i need to show you how huge my smile is. i need you to hear how excited i am with EVERYTHING that's happening in my life.

but then i'm not in front of you, so the least that i can say is this:

God's taking charge of everything.

you see, i have a terrible habit called vaccilation. i have difficulty making a decision. i overanalyze. i lose sleep. i go around in circles, literally. in the worst cases of it, i consult other people, and hold on to their words. i even get second, third, and fourth opinions. when these opinions vastly differ, i suffer.

lately i have realized that just letting God decide makes it less complicated. psalm 118 says, "it is better to take refuge in God than to trust in man." suddenly, when i'm not sure about something... i ask God. simple.

a few months ago i joined my small group leader eunice and her friends at our church's singles convergence. i saw a poster of that church's youth service speaker series (it was on sports then, i think), and casually mentioned to her that i used to attend the youth services at our church in ortigas.

eunice's face lit up, as in really lit up. "gusto mo ba sa youth?" she asked.

i shrugged. okay lang, i said. i wasn't exactly youth-aged, but i was young. eunice then told me that she was going to connect me to iris, one of the youth leaders. i prayed about it, though, even if my heart wasn't really into it at the time.

fast-forward to a few weeks later. ate jeje, one of the small group leaders, asked me to accompany her friend's daughter at the saturday youth services. "she's a first-timer, make her feel welcome," ate jeje said.

i sat next to her and asked her the basics: name, school, course. she was from CSB taking up computer applications. after the service we chatted some more, and i found out that she liked the service. she liked the church. she even said that she wanted to be a christian.

i began to share lots of things in the two-minute walk to the donut shop. i wasn't so sure if that was actually a sign (if you could call it that) but... it felt so great talking with her.

the next day (as in THE NEXT DAY!) iris and i "accidentally" bumped into each other at the mall's elevator and exchanged numbers. she was with her older sister, who was a friend of eunice's.

i knew it was SOMETHING from God na. it was GLARING NEON ORANGE! this time i REALLY prayed about it. i said that if God really wanted me to be in with youth, i'd be GO. really GO! after all, He knew better!

by the end of june it was announced that our schedule at work would be changed: i would be working friday nights. conveniently (!!!), iris's small group was 6pm friday, and youth services were an hour later.

it was the shiny red cherry to my black forest cake.

you know how AMAZING all of this was? everything was just thrown in my face without me knowing!!! it felt like GOD PLANNED IT ALL ALONG. i didn't have to vacillate, praningize, or obsess over any detail, because IT WAS LAID OUT FOR ME. there was NO NEED FOR WORRY. after all, He knows the plans has has for us! to prosper us, not to harm us, to give us a HOPE and a FUTURE!!!

isn't just all of this AMAZING!?

i thank God for just ALL of this. He had more power than i of little faith had initially thought. He knew. He JUST KNEW.

PANALO ka Lord. HALLELUIA.