ate karess

i have two younger siblings from my father. their names and ages are abigail, eight years old, and jose maria the fourth, four years old. i first met them when i first went to baguio july of last year. i initially found them to be the pesky, annoying, KSP-type--then again you know how these things typically are.

admittedly i am the typical bunso, and you know how bunsos operate. they're spoiled, used to getting their way, and used to getting all the attention, aside from being affectionate and happy-go-lucky. so being ever-so-typically bunso (not to mention immature), i resented a lot of things. sure, the kids are faultless, but i hated them for no clear reason.

i rememberan incident on how my insecurity was manifested. the first one was the first time abby and i met each other. it was the morning after i arrived from manila, and abby and i were downstairs having breakfast. my older sisters and i call our pop "daddy," but abby and max address him as "papa." so abbey was clearly perplexed (and i think at that point still unaware of our existence) for the name i called our father.

"bakit daddy yung tawag mo sa kanya?" abby asked, with all the innocence of seven-year-olds.

"eh daddy ko siya eh," was my snide, sarcasm-infused reply. it was short of saying that "hey, little girl, he is MY daddy, no matter what."

i have been to baguio from last weekend and somehow had a POV shift. of course the ilang was ever-present, but kids are evidently unaware of complications like these. abby and max flocked to kat and i, their older sisters. the last time i went to baguio was christmastime, and in spite of all my wicked stepsister shenanigans, the kids were still...nice. abby was still as sweet and affectionate (and LOUD) as ever. max, who had started school this year, had developed the habit of speaking english, which was funny and endearing.

i don't know what brought on this change, but i feel so much better about them now. i was with them for three days. i realized that i had ate potential, and that you could occasionally use sarcasm to scold your younger kin, just like what teena does. i even prepared max's bedtime milk. woah.

so there. being an older sister isn't all that it's cracked up to be. i just need more lessons in that department, though.

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oh and you wanna know something cool? i'm the middlest-middle kid now.

GP's birthday

Start:

Oct 24, '06 12:00a

people

phonetography

gotta love camera phones. hahaha!

Xazia & Zoilo.3gp

Two of the most adorable kids on the planet.

bonnie somerville's winding road

this song oh-so-perfectly sums up everything that i am feeling/going through/experiencing at the moment. if you can, go download it. 

 

amazing how one night can change your life

 

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Artist: Bonnie Somerville Lyrics
Song: Winding Road Lyrics

Well, the rain keeps on coming down
It feels like a flood in my head
And that road keeps on calling me
Screaming to everything lying ahead

And it's a winding road
I've been walking for a long time
I still don't know
Where it goes
And it's a long way home
I've been searching for a long time
I still have hope
I'm gonna find my way home

And I can see a little house
On top of the hill
And I can smell the ocean
The salt in the air
And I can see you
You're standing there
And you're washing your car
And I can see California sun in your hair

And its a winding road
I've been walking for a long time
Still don't know
Where it goes
And it's a long way home
I've been searching for a long time
Still have hope
I'm gonna find my way home

All these dreams took me so far
And I felt I just couldn't go on
And I want to hang
Out the window of your car
And see just how good this baby can run

'Cause it's a winding road
I've been walking for a long time
And I still don't know
Where it goes
And it's a long way home
I've been searching for a long time
Still have hope
We're gonna find our way home

It's a winding road
Still have hope
One day we'll find our way home
It's a long way home
I've been searching for a long time
Still have hope
We're gonna find our way home

It's a long way home
It's a long way home

hard work

admittedly, being a baby Christian is hard work.

Jesus always stressed the importance of loving God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, and loving your neighbor as yourself.

in my case, however... *sigh*.

last sunday the topic was on walking with God, and there were three ways in order for anyone to do this: first was obedience, second was agreement, and third was intimacy. enoch was the benchmark for walking with God. we don't know absolutely anything about him: all we know is that he lived for 365 years and didn't die. God just took him away, because he simply walked with God.

it was also stressed that God wasn't looking for diplomas or vital statistics or whatever--God just wants us to obey, agree, and be intimate with him. THAT simple.

admittedly i have a penchant for complicating things. i think and overthink, analyze and overanalyze. i find it difficult to accept simple truth. i'm not content with just what what is presented to me: it has to be proven down to the very last fiber. that belief is quite contradictory to the Christian faith, because that very word--faith--is the beginning and end of all things.

along with that is my (almost) natural tendency to criticize. my good friend karl characterized me as a nitpicker. admittedly, i do find pleasure in finding fault in things--especially other people. i tend to judge quickly. i mean, i claim to be a Christian yet I have like ten million sins a day. i'm turning into something i don't want to be: a hypocrite.

then again that's when the simplicity of wanting to walk with God comes in. Lord, i don't want to be like that anymore. i don't want to judge and okray and just be freaking mean anymore.